Every couple comes to the realization, at some point down the line, that they are finite and limited creatures. It is a difficult pill to swallow, this revelation that we are not the Most High, but comes it does. This truth descends upon us particularly when there are a couple few kids in tow and dad and mom realize that the little tots take up a fair amount of time and resources. Then the question arises, “How many of these little arrows should we have?” As the meme above shows, those Postmill Saints really do give it a go. But even they realize we’re looking at a generational endeavor.

I have been asked this question several times over the course of my ministry and find the question itself more insightful than the answer. I do have some recommendations. But first a little analysis so that we can understand ourselves and develop a framework from which we can attempt a wise answer.

The question is interesting because many ask it from within the modern zeitgeist. That is they think of children as the byproduct of the will of dad and mom. Many think the same way about marriage itself, reducing it to the product of the will of the parties involved, this being reinforced by the fact that each party took vows, meant them, and a marriage resulted. But more was going on in your marriage than simple vows. Vows, indeed, are not enough to create a marriage. God has given us the opportunity to stare that truth in the face with the rise of so called same-sex marriage codified in Obergefell v. Hodges.

When Bill and Bob declare that they will do their thing untill death parts them, just as Jack and Jill did, nothing happens. No union exists. No marriage has materialized, which is abundant evidence that marriage itself involves something more than the will of the parties involved.

Applied to childbearing, we should see that children really are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb being the divine’s reward (Psalm 127:3). This scrambles the modern noggin. We have reduced childbearing to grocery shopping, pondering how many plumbs to plop into that tender plastic bag in the produce aisle. We are products of our age and have been conditioned to think this way. On the marriage front, one of the main culprits was no fault divorce, which has trained us for a handful of decades now that we can depart with the one flesh union at will, without any cause whatever. We should not be surprised then that we have the same instinct when it comes to our part in bringing undying souls into the world.

This commodification of children has run amuck with the rise of IVF and Artificial Reproductive Technologies. We now have embryos in the freezer. We now flip through sperm donor booklets to ensure that the product we are soon to purchase from a stranger is up to our liking. Given this context, we should have our eyes open when we ask the question about how many children. We should make sure that there is nothing earthly in us.

“So,” you ask, “what are we to do? Just have a zillion children without thinking about they best number or manner?” Well, no. We have a part to play. But we do need something of a cleansing from the modern framework in order to approach the question well. Children are not products meant to please you, as if you’re determining how many pieces of chocolate will make you just the right amount of happy. They are arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior. And your sheath is only so big. You want your arrows to be straight and sharp and you want to fire off as many as possible, which requires a good dose of humility stemming from faith, not fear. Along these lines, you have to have children by faith and not by sight. The sight-alone model removes the Almighty from the equation. The presumption model, which at times masquerades as faith, refuses to acknowledge that its garden really is growing wild and the arrows in the quiver couldn’t fly straight if they were loosed by the Persians themselves.

So the framework is: The Lord opens and closes the womb, man does not. And children are the Lord’s reward, not products for your satisfaction. The details are that parents have the ministry of health, education, and wellfare. Indeed these were laid out in the common law tradition. Fathers and mothers are tasked with feeding the little ones, clothing them, sheltering them, caring for their health and seeing to their education. Every parent knows that these duties require energy, time, and resources.

So as you look to a bit of family planning, take an honest assessment of how this ministry of parenthood is going. Take a look at how mom’s health is going, how dad’s wallet is going, and how sanity is fairing for both parties. Don’t assess these items by mere sight. The standard for having another child is not that everything in your life is tidy and perfectly under control. That never happens. But there is a way to out punt your coverage. Children are a blessing from the Lord if you raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and they will be a curse if you fail to do so.

In the main, aim for a bit of normalcy and a great amount of faith. Have as many as you can with a dose of honesty about how many that really is. And don’t go comparing, given you simply do not know the variables operating in other families. There are several reasons that families might have more or less children. So counseling with other wise saints is great, but don’t do the, “But what about the Joneses down the street, Lord?” You will likely get a reply from the Lord close to that of Peter, “If I want the Joneses to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me” (John 21:22).